Remembering the Dead

Michael Jackson. Farrah Fawcet. Ed McMahon. Billy Mays. Over the past couple of weeks, we’ve been reminded that celebrities die just like the rest of us.

This year, I have visited eight different cemeteries in the course of my calling as a counselor in the bishopric and as I have sought to honor my own relatives who have passed away. I have been to five funerals/viewings in the past seven months, including three where I sang. I’ve even recently done some banking business with a mortuary in Salt Lake City. So naturally, I have been thinking about the meaning of cemeteries and grave markers. I’ve also been pondering a bit on how I want to be remembered.

Earlier this week at a viewing of a friend’s mother, I saw this quote at a cemetery. I jotted it down because I liked what it said:

“This is a cemetery. Lives are commemorated. Deaths are recorded. Families are reunited. Memories are made tangible and love is undisguised. This is a cemetery. Communities accord respect. Families bestow reverence. Historians seek information and our heritage is thereby enriched. Testimonies of devotion, pride and remembrance are cast in bronze to pay warm tribute to the accomplishments and to the life – not the death of a loved one. A cemetery is a homeland for memorials that are a sustaining source of comfort to the living. A cemetery is a history of people – a perpetual record of yesterday, a sanctuary of peace and quiet today. This cemetery exists because every life is worth loving and remembering always.”

Over Memorial Day Weekend, we took the kids to the Salt Lake Cemetery to visit the graves of some of the prominent leaders in the LDS Church. It turned out to be a bit of a scavenger hunt and we found over half of the gravesites of the 15 deceased church presidents. Here are a few pictures of their graves:

Gordon B. Hinckley, 15th President of LDS Church

Howard W. Hunter, 14th President of the LDS Church

Spencer W. Kimball, 12 President of LDS Church

Harold B. Lee, 11th President of LDS Church

Joseph Fielding Smith, 10th President of LDS Church

David O. Mckay, 9th President of LDS Church

 

Wilford Woodruff, 4th President of LDS Church

It’s interesting to think of how our loved ones would summarize our lives in a few short words carved into stone or cast into bronze. What would you want your epitaph to say? What are your thoughts on how to remember and honor the dead?

Pessimism or Optimism?

My cousin recently blogged about how she is extremely optimistic and pessimistic at the same time about world events. She specifically discussed the recent election protests in Iran and the possibility of change coming to that country. She said she feels hopeful and fearful at the same time. My cousin and I both grew up when the Iron Curtain seemed impenetrable, when the Soviet Union was the evil empire full of our enemies. And then change came to their country, almost overnight. So it will be fascinating to see what happens in Iran…

Like my cousin, I also feel tremendous pessimism and optimism about the world and its future. For example, I am unsure what to believe about our American economy and system of government. On one hand, I want very much for President Obama to succeed and to see our nation prosper economically. I want to see positive changes to our health care system. At the same time, I am quite concerned about government intervention and the massive expansion we’ve been witnessing. As one commentator put it recently, Obama wants us to believe that the recent enormous government spending and intrusion into the free markets was necessary to save our system. Perhaps the truth is that the recession was the excuse President Obama needed to transform our government/economy into a much more European-like system, where government entitlements are widespread and where the government controls much more of the free markets, making them much less free, and consequently, less efficient.

(Some would suggest that a similar situation occurred when George W. Bush used 9-11 as an excuse to invade Iraq and remove Saddam from power, something Bush really wanted to do anyway but needed an excuse to do it, even though no direct link between 9-11 and Iraq ever existed.)

Anyway, the strange thing about this mix of fear and hope is that they can somehow co-exist in us. I fear a lot of things: Will I die young like my father? Will I get diabetes, heart disease and cancer like many of my relatives? How could I ever recover if I lost one of my children? How could I go on if my sweet wife were taken from me? I don’t like to dwell on these thoughts too much since they just make me expend energy unnecessarily by pondering “what if” scenarios.

A part of me fears the world that my children will have to face with its increasing moral degeneracy; at the same time, I look forward to the future with great anticipation. There are so many great things are ahead of us; new technologies, new ideas, new works of art and entertainment. Some people see the world as getting worse and worse every day. I choose to see it as continually improving in many ways. Certainly, more and more are choosing unrighteous paths and sin is becoming increasingly acceptable. But many are also deepening their devotion to Jesus Christ and his teachings and living better lives than ever before.

So, are you pessimistic or optimistic? Which is better: a healthy pessimism that grounds you in reality and keeps you from being disillusioned or optimism that makes you see the world through rose-colored glasses, but also could be setting you up for eventual disappointment?

Living in the Moment

My brother-in-law Chris recently blogged about an intriguing idea. In his essay he explored the idea that having a finite period of time in this mortal existence impacts how we live and what we focus on. He suggests that the impermanence of life affects how we perceive things and informs our choices and our actions.

Why does the fragility of this impermanent mortal existence make life more special? Chris talks about how real flowers have more value than fake flowers since there is a temporary quality to them that demands to be enjoyed in this moment since their beauty will soon fade. Similarly, a gorgeous sunset or a beautiful rainbow are short-lived, and would not be nearly as special if they were always there. The fact that these displays of nature last for just a few fleeting moments adds to their charm.

When my dad was told he had six months to live, I often thought about what I would do given a similar prognosis. It certainly would depend on my health (my dad was seriously ill during his final months), but I think I’d focus on deepening relationships and creating shared experiences together. The fact that we knew our time together was so limited made those final months extra special.

Of course, I believe in the eternal nature of the soul. My faith teaches that progression is eternal and that family relationships can continue beyond the grave. I believe that someday after I die, my body will be resurrected to a perfect and immortal state. That belief provides me with comfort and peace, and gives my life much more meaning and purpose. I believe the purpose of life is to gain experience, intelligence and relationships. Those are the things we’ll take with us when we go. But I don’t like to live my life and make choices based solely on expectations of future glory. I follow Christian teachings because I believe them to be the blueprint of happiness and peace in THIS life.

(Side note: sometimes when I do the dishes or help Robin put away the groceries or lug 40-pound bags of salt down the stairs to the water softener, I ask myself, “Will I be doing these mundane tasks for eternity?” I certainly hope not. To be honest, the thought of living forever has always made me a bit queasy, mostly because of my aversion to repetition. Even if we are doing amazing things each day as exalted beings, wouldn’t it get old after a while? I don’t like to think about it too long because my finite mind cannot comprehend the infinite. Even my daughter Brianna told me once that thinking about living forever makes her “tummy feel kind of weird.”)

Anyway, my point is that my belief in eternal life does impact my choices, but having a finite period of time to do things in this life also affects my actions. The fact that my children are growing up and that their childhood is fleeting makes me want to spend more time with them. It makes me want to cherish the present moment. When we know something will NOT last forever (rainbow, sunset, freshly cut flowers, time with a terminally ill parent, our children’s childhood), it becomes that much more precious to us.

I am not suggesting that we “eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.” I am suggesting that while we look forward to eternal life with excitement and great anticipation, we should never forget to have joy in the journey — TODAY. Remember that scene from “Dead Poets’ Society” where Robin Williams’ character tells the boys “Seize the day, boys, make your lives extraordinary.”

Carpe Diem!

Can I PLEASE have a new iPhone?

Apple has done it again — they have created something that I REALLY want. I have been coveting an iPhone since June 2007 when it was first released. Back then it cost $499 for the 4 GB version and $599 for the 8 GB version. Today, the faster 3G 8 GB version costs $99. Yes, that’s only $99 bucks. They recently slashed the price and I am sorely tempted to buy one!

They also are about to introduce an even cooler version — the iPhone 3G S, which costs $199 for the 16 GB version and $299 for the 32 GB version of the amazing phone. What a deal! And look at all the cool new features:

• Video camera with editing capabilities
• A 3-megapixel digital camera
• Voice memo recording
• Internet tethering (hook it up to your laptop for internet access)
• Compass and GPS
• Voice control (tell your iPhone what you want to do and wallah!)
• A ton of really cool apps that you can download (many for free)
• Great internet service, email, texting
• A really cool phone with great contact management
• Oh yeah, it’s also an iPod, so you can listen to all your music, buy music directly from iTunes, as well as watch videos from YouTube or movies that you have purchased or converted from DVD.

Today while helping out on a school field trip, I was carrying around my iPod, a cell phone and a digital camera and I thought: “I could have these all in one…” Needless to say, I REALLY want one. I love the technology. I love the features. I love being connected. So why don’t I just go out and buy one already!? Here’s why:

1. Price. The initial price of $99 is really good. But the true cost is more like $2,500. About $100 per month for AT&T service on a 24-month contract. And although my company would reimburse much of that cost, $100 per month for a phone is just too much. I’m too cheap.

2. Being connected. Do I really need to be connected everywhere at every moment? Should I be blogging, emailing, texting, twittering or Facebooking while I drive, eat lunch or take my kids to the park. No, probably not. I spend too much time on the internet as it is.

3. I already have a laptop and with wireless broadband throughout my house. While the keyboard on the iPhone is nice, it’s so much faster to get work done on a REAL keyboard. Short Facebook status updates are okay, but blogging, email and writing documents on that tiny keyboard is still quite slow – although it’s faster than tapping out text messages on my cell!

4. I already own an iPod Touch, which is like an iPhone without the phone or camera. It’s a great device and can connect to my home wireless network so I can check email and Facebook without having to fire up my desktop computer or laptop. I recently downloaded some software updates that allowed me to put “apps” on my iPod Touch, so I can now read the scriptures, download and listen to podcasts or watch YouTube videos right on that little device. The touch screen is awesome — it’s the best iPod I’ve ever owned.

I believe that someday I will have an iPhone or something like it. But that day has not yet arrived, even though I wish were here!

Amusing Kiddie Quotes

Here are a few amusing quotes from my four children:

Parley, 10-year-old son.
“Dad, I think God must be right-handed.” (We had just been reading the scriptures together as a family and we had read about how the righteous would be on the right hand of God and how the sheep (righteous) were on the right and the goats (wicked) were on the left.)

Brianna, almost 8-year-old daughter.
“Dad, whenever I think about living forever, I get this kind of sick feeling in my tummy. I think I’ll get bored after a while. Do you think that once we make it to the Celestial Kingdom, we’ll be able to visit Disneyworld and Hawaii whenever we want?” (This conversation was initiated by Brianna, not me, while we were driving alone together in the car.)

“Mom, I really want to go to bed because my left eye is feeling kind of sleepy. But my right eye is still kind of awake.”

Lily, 5-year-old daughter.
Lily: “Dad, I want to buy a treat at the store.”
Dad:  “Lily, we can’t because we don’t have any money.”
Lily: “That’s okay, we can just use the credit card!”

James, 20-month old son.
Pointing to an elephant, he exclaimed excitedly: “Gog!” (his word for dog).

First Haircut for Baby James

I’ve been resisting it for 19 months now because his baby hair was so cute, but it finally came time for James to get a haircut. So on Saturday, I took the boys over the the “haircut store” to take care of business.

James was a little squirmy at first and didn’t want to wear the smock. I had to pin his arms to his side. Unfortunately, it was a fairly traumatic experience for the little fellow — especially when the lady used the electric clippers on him — he was terrified!

We tried to calm him down by feeding him some Smarties provided by the salon, but it didn’t help much. His tears and slobber from the candy got all over the smock.

He finally calmed down when he started watching Parley get his hair cut in the next chair over. And now his beautiful golden brown hair with a hint of curl now lies in a dumpster somewhere behind the salon.

Of course, Parley doesn’t look too thrilled about getting his hair cut either. But at least there were no tears and I didn’t have to hold him down!

Pre-school Graduation

Yesterday, five-year old Lily “graduated” from pre-school. (That sounds a little funny to me. Did she pass all her tests and complete all her coursework and rent a cap and gown? Uh, no.) Anyway, perhaps “completed” pre-school would be a better way to describe it. She did get a little “diploma” after the kids in her class gave a really cute 30-minute program, which I’m glad I did not miss. The teacher even played “Pomp and Circumstance” on her iPod; very fun. Here are a few cute pictures:

Lily is a really unique little person. She has always had a very fun-loving, sweet and strong personality. Of all my children, I think she has the most potential to become a performer. She has a certain stage presence and she thrives on getting attention (remind you of anyone?) To celebrate her accomplishment, I took her to the store with me and bought her some gum, which is a lot cheaper than an iPod or a trip abroad that she’ll want at later graduations.

Pre-school has been really great for our children. My parents-in-law have paid the tuition for all three of our children who have attended pre-school, which has been wonderful. It would have been hard for us to afford it with all the other things that compete for our money! Pre-school has been a great blessing in their lives. We could have taught Lily most of what she learned in class here at home. But pre-school gave her a great social outlet and it gave Robin a much-needed break.

I already did a nostalgia post with Bye Bye Binkie, so I won’t go into the mixed emotions I feel as another one of my children completes pre-school and gets ready to start Kindergarten. Suffice it to say that I’m very grateful to have these little people in my life. I’m a very lucky (blessed) man.

Here’s a cute picture of me with my girls.

Confessions of a Trekkie

In my last post I discussed my interest in the pop culture phenomenon that is Star Trek. With 11 films grossing over $1 Billion, six TV series with over 700 total episodes, plus dozens of novels, books on tape, fan fiction and merchandise, the 40+ year franchise is alive and strong.

Here are a few reasons why I like Star Trek:

1. Science  – I love astronomy. Stars. Planets. Moos. Nebulae. Black Holes. It’s all very cool. I have always been fascinated by the natural world and the universe. Many of the plots of Star Trek shows are very scientific. Yes, there’s a lot of science fiction there too, but it’s fun to have a show at least loosely based on real science.

2. Technology – From extremely advanced medical innovations to traveling at “warp” speed to transporter technology (i.e. “beam me up”), technology on Star Trek has always fascinated me. Imagine being able to cure a fatal disease with a simple medical tri-corder or being able to travel faster than the speed of light to visit new parts of the galaxy. What would transporter technology do to our society if it were real. Can you imagine “beaming” to Hawaii for an afternoon on the beach? And some technology seems to have become a reality — wireless flip phones…

3. Exploration – I am a very curious person. I want to learn everything I can about many different subjects. The idea of having a starship whose primary purpose is to expand knowledge is quite appealing. Plus, I love to explore new areas. And while my day to day exploration may be limited to trying out a different jogging trail from time to time, I have a lot of wanderlust and I love seeing new places. Star Trek takes me to places that I cannot go (yes, they’re fictional places, but they are still very fun to visit.)

4. Optimism – The Star Trek universe provides a very optimistic vision of the future. In this vision of the 24th Century, mankind has overcome war and poverty. Disease has largely been eradicated and the entire planet is united in peace and prosperity. Exploration of the universe and mutually beneficial relationships with other lifeforms are prized above all else.

5. Oh, and I also like the action, the explosions, the fights, the villians, etc. I don’t care much for Klingons but I love the Borg, and I really like the Harogens, a brutal space-faring species that harvests organs from weaker lifeforms (as seen in episodes of the series Star Trek Voyager). Nothing like a good monster/villian for good entertainment.

Anyway, that’s what I like about Star Trek. I’ll continue to watch it, but don’t worry, I won’t be buying any pointy ears anytime soon.

Great Trekspectations

Okay, so I stole that headline from the Deseret News which reviewed the new Star Trek movie, but it described my great interest in and excitement for the new film.

There are only a few movies that I see in the nice theaters (I usually wait for the dollar theater or DVD) and even fewer that I HAVE to see on opening night. But Star Trek is one of them.

I admit it. I’m a fan. I have never been to a convention and do not own any pointy ears, Star Trek uniforms or phasers.  But I have watched all 10 previous Star Trek movies at least twice each –  a few of them I have watched even more than that. I can even name all of their titles in order without looking it up:

Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Star Trek: The Wrath of Kahn
Star Trek: The Search for Spock
Star Trek: The Voyage Home
Star Trek: The Final Frontier
Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country
Star Trek: Generations
Star Trek: First Contact
Star Trek: Insurrection
Star Trek: Nemesis

My favorites are “The Wrath of Kahn,” “The Voyage Home” (the one with the whales) and “First Contact” (the one with the Borg taking over the Enterprise). The worst were The Motion Picture and The Final Frontier. The rest were good, but not great.

I’ve watched a good number of episodes from the six television series, especially “The Next Generation” and “Voyager.” I never really got into Deep Space Nine or Enterprise. And, interestingly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a complete episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. So again, I guess I’m not what you’d consider a hard core fan. My favorite Trek series is Voyager. At first I thought it was really PC to have a woman captain, a Native American first officer and a black Vulcan security officer (or should I say African American Vulcan… but wait, if he’s Vulcan, how can he be American or African… I’m so confused). However, interesting story lines and good character development kept me coming back to Voyager. Robin enjoyed it too so we watched many episodes together back in the early 2000s.

I’ve been anticipating this latest film now for many years. The last Trek film was released in 2002 and didn’t get particularly good audience reception, so Star Trek has been on hiatus. Until now. The eleventh film titled simply “Star Trek” is a complete reboot of the franchise. Helmed by LOST creator J.J. Abrams, this new film boldly goes where Star Trek hasn’t gone before. And it left my wife Robin and me totally satisfied and looking forward to future sequels.

It was a fast-paced, action-packed thrill ride that has a universal appeal to both long-time fans and people who have never heard the Vulcan phrase, “Live long and prosper.” There was quite a bit of humor in the film and several references that paid homage to the other films and TV series which delighted fans but were subtle enough not to leave non-fans out of the fun. The actors were great and the special effects were spectacular without being overdone. (i.e. George Lucas in Star Wars Episodes I, II and III.) The film sets the stage for many more excellent adventures which we will look forward to watching.

So why do I like Star Trek? I will address that question in my next post, so stay tuned.

Kids Say the Darnest Things!

On Saturday afternoon, my seven-year old daughter Brianna and I were on a date when we saw an incredibly brilliant rainbow. We were both really awed by it and both of us wanted to express our excitement. She said to me something like this: “Dad, that rainbow is so beautiful, do you think it would be okay to use the Lord’s name in vain?” Surprised by her innocent inquiry, I said that even though it was really impressive, we shouldn’t use that word in an exclamation. She agreed and then said “Oh my gosh, that’s beautiful.”

Later on we were at a restaurant enjoying a pizza buffet to celebrate Lily’s birthday. An extremely overweight man was loading his plate up with pizza and salad. Five-year-old Lily, who was within three feet of him, pointed at him repeatedly and exclaimed, “Dad, he’s fat!” a couple of times. Needless to say, I quickly ushered her out of the restaurant, my face red and my eyes on the ground.

I Love These Kids!

These little guys bring us so much frustration and so much joy!! I’d do anything for them.

(Robin says James got jipped on this photo shoot; the older kids got pictures on Easter when they were looking good. James had just woken up from a nap.)

Bye Bye Binkie

Just about two weeks ago, baby James turned 18 months — a milestone for our family. The next day he went into nursery at church and played with the other children, had his first Sunday School lesson and ate treats with the kiddies. It was great to get rid of him during gospel doctrine (the last few months we’ve been chasing him around the room), but it was kind of sad too. 

What’s more, he no longer uses a pacifier. Robin and I have always set the goal to ween our children off the “binkie” by 18 months. And so, James had his last binkie experience a few days ago. He went for a week without it and then relapsed on Sunday. But he’s been “binkie free” ever since. He’s done pretty well so far, although he’s woken up crying in the night a few times, probably because of an incoming tooth.

Now, I am a pretty nostalgic guy and the discontinuation of the binkie is a bit sad for me. If James is indeed our last child (and Robin assures me that he is), then there will be no more binkies (my mom used to call them “nukies.”) It’s the end of an era. My kiddies are growing up. Lily is just a couple months away from starting kindergarten; Brianna is preparing to be baptized this summer and Parley is almost one decade old. Amazing! In just a few months they will be 10, 8, 5 and 1.5. Parley and Brianna can now ride all of the rides at Disneyworld. They both can read clearly. I have to face it, they’re growing up!

I can’t say that I’ll miss the diapers when James gets potty trained. At that point we’ll have had about ten cumulative years of diaper changes. If you estimate at least five diaper changes a day for all those years, it works out to be more than 18,000 diapers and an estimated $6,000 on diapers and wipes. Yikes!

To me, there is something kind of sad about the loss of innocence that comes with growing up. Last weekend, I decided to take Parley on a boy scout campout because I was tired of spending so much time with other people’s children and not enough time with my own. During the drive, one of the boys told a joke whose punch line “outed” Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Naturally, most 12 year old boys don’t believe in Santa any more, but what about my boy? I’m not sure what he believes — I think he pretty much knows the truth (you know, about how we’ve been lying to him all his life), but he still likes playing along. Then again, perhaps he still believes — or at least he did until the boys talked about the fictitious nature of the jolly of elf!

Once, when I was 8 or 9, my mom found me crying in my bedroom on Christmas night. She naturally assumed that I was disappointed with my presents or something. When she asked me about the tears, I told her it was because I loved Christmas so much that I was really sad to see it end. Like I said, I’m nostalgic. I love being the father of my four little kids. They’re so cute, even if they are often annoying, messy and disobedient. I’m enjoying this whole parenthood thing very much. And seeing my kiddies grow up is exciting and fun, but a little bit sad too…

Baby James, sans pacifier

Like Father, Like Son

Today is my nine-year-old son Parley’s first day back to school after his three-week “off track” time. He was up at 6:30 and I found this doodle pad with his To Do list written on it. It made me smile. Like his father, he’s a list person.

I like the last one: “Sit on vent,” meaning the heater vent at our house that he likes to sit on to get warm. Ah, the simple life of a young boy…

Toyota Trouble

For almost ten years, I have been the owner of a forest green 1995 Toyota Camry. It had 70,000 miles on it and now it has 215,000! That’s a lot of miles over the course of the past decade! I am happy to report that the car has been extremely reliable and has served me well. I bought it when it was four years old for $10,000. It is now probably worth less than $3,000, but it’s been paid for now for about five years. I took it in today for an oil change and left a few hours later several hundred dollars poorer. Yes, it needed some work and I couldn’t put it off any longer. I got new tires, a new CV Boot and axle, as well as front brake service. I looked at my records and realized that I’ve spent about $4,000 on the car over the years, including:

• Four sets of tires (replaced about every three years)
• Three batteries
• Three brake jobs
• Two radiators
• Two CV Boots
• One new axel
• One alternator
• One tail light (had to replace it after someone hit me and ran)
• One new timing belt (replaced more than 120,000 miles ago)
• Two windshield wipers
• Various light bulbs, etc.

Pretty much all of those things are general maintenance items. Thankfully, my Camry’s engine has been really good. I haven’t had problems with water pumps or trasmissions… knock on wood. Toyotas are really quite good cars. When I first got it, I thought it was the best car ever. It felt so good to drive after having driven an electric blue Ford Escort with pink swirls on the side (the car my wife brought to the marriage). Now the paint job is fading, the interior is dirty, the upholstry is stained and a big section of the back floor carpet is missing due to an unfortunate paint spill several years ago. (It was a whole gallon of paint that tipped over while we were driving home from the Home Depot; had to just tear out the carpet it was so bad.)

Anyway, would I like a new car? Sure. Someday. But as long as my Camry keeps getting me from Point A to Point B reliably, I will keep driving it. It sure is nice to not have a car payment. Hopefully, I can start saving up for a replacement car and pay cash for it as Dave Ramsey suggests. What kind of car would you suggest? I am partial to Toyotas and Hondas because they are so reliable. But I’m open to suggestions.

Follow Up to Dave Ramsey Post

I am grateful for all the insightful comments and good discussion that was generated by my last post. I thought I would respond to them all in a new post.

First, let me clarify that Dave Ramsey encourages people to do Baby Step 4 (save for retirement), Baby Step 5 (save for children’s education) and Baby Step 6 (pay down your mortgage) simultaneously. He doesn’t necessarily advocate that one is more important than the other. I do believe that saving for retirement is a higher priority than saving for your children’s education since, you can’t borrow for retirement like you can for education. I think Dave believes that saving money in a conservative mutual fund will end up benefiting you more than paying off your mortgage early. Mortgage interest is generally 6% or so, while a good mutual fund historically can earn an average of 8-12%. Obviously the market has been hammered recently so we’re all somewhat leery into putting our money there. However, it has performed very well over the long term, despite the bubbles and busts.

Once you have no high-interest consumer debt (credit cards, cars, etc.), you can start on the path to wealth building and saving for the future. But Dave believes  that if you’re paying 18% on a credit card and, instead of paying that off, you put it towards your mortgage or into a 529 for children’s education, you’re making a mistake. Free yourself from the bondage of debt FIRST before you start down the path to wealth building. Of course, if your company offers a 401(k) match, I believe you should try to contribute at least up to the company match, otherwise you’re foolishly leaving money on the table. But before you contribute more, pay off those high interest rate loans. Believe me, debtors are slaves to their lending masters.

As for the emergency fund, it is really important to have that money saved up for a rainy day. Unemployment, health problems, car issues and other unforeseen events WILL happen. The cushion needs to be there. If you’ve sunk all your money into paying down your mortgage, you can’t take part of your house to the bank to get cash. Sure, you can get a home equity loan (assuming you still qualify), but that’s debt and you’ll be paying interest on it. So I agree that an emergency fund of 3-6 months of cash is really important. All the financial advice I’ve been hearing lately supports this position. It provides peace of mind in difficult times.

Dave advocates not buying too much house. The payment should be 25% of your take-home pay. And he thinks no one should have more than a 15 year mortgage, since a 30-year mortgage will cost so much more in interest. Now that’s tough. Most people can’t or won’t do that. But ultimately, it’s better to buy less and have more in cash if at all possible.

As for giving (tithes, offerings, help to friends and relatives), Dave Ramsey believes that tithing is essential to pay all along, not as a final step. I agree with him. Tithing means 10% of income and I know I’ve been blessed for paying it faithfully, even when I was unemployed and not making much money. The Bible says the Lord will “rebuke the devourer for you sakes” if we pay an honest tithing. Dave believes that offerings are also important, but that it is essential to take care of your own household first. Once you have the necessities of life covered, find opportunities to give. I believe  that an important element in giving is sacrifice. C.S. Lewis put it bluntly and powerfully in his book Mere Christianity when he said:

“I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditures excludes them.”

That quote from a person I highly respect (and who is quoted frequently in general conference), really makes me think. Once I have properly fed and clothed my family and have provided them with shelter and medical care, then I need to give to those less fortunate. Perhaps that means not going out to eat as often, or spending less on discretionary things. It’s hard though. But I guess that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

So what are your thoughts on giving? How do you determine how and to whom to give?

Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace

Yesterday, I finished listening to the 13 lessons of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. Our church is hosting his class, but my schedule wouldn’t allow me to participate, so a friend of mine let me borrow CDs with the 13 recorded lessons. I have to admit, Dave’s lessons are kind of addicting;  he’s funny and entertaining, which makes it fun to listen. His advice on creating financial peace isn’t groundbreaking by any means — he’ll be the first to admit that. It’s simple. It uses common sense. And yet in today’s world, it’s unusual. We have become a culture of consumers, a culture of borrowers. We want stuff and many of us have the ability to get that stuff, regardless of whether or not we have the money! Dave breaks his plan down into some fairly simple “baby steps” that make it so people can get their financial lives in order. So where am I on the baby steps?

1. Get a $1,000 emergency fund for, you guessed it, emergencies! Thankfully, I have this one done; it’s in the bank.

2. Pay off all non-mortgage debts using the “debt snowball” — systematically eradicating debts from littlest to biggest. I started this process a few years ago and within about 12 months I was debt free. I had paid off my cars and all consumer debt. It felt great to be debt free! Then I decided to go back to school to get my MBA. It wasn’t cheap. It was $25,000 for tuition, fees and books. My former company paid for about $4,000  and I paid for about $4,000 out of my pocket, leaving me with about $17,000 in subsidized stafford student loans. I’ve been paying on it now for about a year and I have about $15,000 left. The combined interest rate on the two loans is about 4%, so it’s cheap money, but my goal is to pay it off MUCH sooner than 2018. With extra principal payments, I hope to pay this off within two years. Thankfully, that’s my only non-mortgage debt.

3. Complete the emergency fund with 3-6 months of expenses. I have about two months worth of expenses in my reserves right now, so I still have some work to do on this one. I’m hoping to have three months of expenses in this emergency account by July. It’s going to take some discipline and self control, but its doable.

4. Invest 15% of household income into retirement. I’m currently contributing 4% to my 401(K) and am taking advantage of my company’s 4% match. It’s not 15%, but I hope to work up to that amount as I pay off debt and expand my emergency fund. I want to be sure to have sufficient in my retirement account so that Robin and I can do the things we want to do like traveling, church missions and giving to our children and others. It’s sometimes hard to contribute to my retirement when it’s at least 30 years away, but compound interest is very powerful and it makes retirement savings we put away today so much more valuable. (Some may argue that investing in the stock market is stupid with the recent challenges it’s had. However, historically, the market has been a great place grow money over the long-term, assuming you have a diversified portfolio. I could just stick money in a mattress somewhere, but 3% annual inflation would make that money much less valuable. So I still believe conservative mutual fund investments are the way to go!)

5. College savings for children. I hate to admit this, but we haven’t saved a dime specifically for our kids’ college education. I know I should set up a 529 savings plan for them. However, right now, I’m more interested in funding pre-school tuition, dance lessons, sports teams and other activities for the kids. Robin and I both assume that our kids will get scholarships and will subsidize their education by working while in college to get them through. That’s how we did it. We both got very little help from our parents in this area. However, college is getting more and more expensive (about a 7% increase annually) and so I intend to get going on this baby step as soon as I can. It’s an investment in my children’s future. And that’s much more important than that extra pizza each month!

6. Pay off the house early. This is a great goal. Imagine what you could do without a mortgage payment?! A friend of mine just paid off his house by switching his mortgage to a 15-year plan a few years ago and then paying quite a bit extra on principal each month. I just refinanced my house through my company, US Bank, and got a lower interest rate resulting in a lower monthly payment. I SHOULD take those savings and pay the difference to principal to accelerate the payoff of my home. It could save me thousands in interest over the life of the loan. But all of the above mentioned “baby steps” are calling for that money, so it’s hard to do it right now.

7. Build wealth and give. I don’t own any real estate besides my home. Many people think it’s a great investment, and I suppose it is. But I’m just not that interested in being a landlord. I’m not a handyman and I have enough to worry about with my own house. Plus I really don’t like it when people owe me money. I think I would be a basket case if I had renters who were late with their payments, especially if it put a cash flow crunch on me. So I don’t have plans to invest in real estate right now. But I am exploring ways to build long-term wealth so I can leave a lot of it to my children and to different worthy causes. I’d love to be very wealthy so I could give more.

Dave Ramsey believes in 10% tithing and so do I. I’ve received many blessings from paying an honest tithe and from giving generous offerings to help the poor. I have a testimony that God blesses us when we cultivate the attitude that all that we have comes from him. God doesn’t NEED our money. He asks for tithes and offerings to help us overcome our selfish tendencies. It is a true principle that “givers gain.”

Dave’s common sense approach to money outlined above has given me a lot to think about. I share these somewhat personal thoughts on my financial life because I want to encourage more people to get their financial house in order. I’ve got a decent start, but I have a long way to go still. But as Dave says, you need to “live like no one else so later you can LIVE like no one else.”

Dave Ramsey

Roadshow Heaven or Hell?

Over the past ten days, I have spent just about 25 hours in rehearsals and performances. No, I’m not getting ready to open some amazing show at a local theater, nor am I shooting a feature film. I have been working on our church roadshow event! Yes, I was roped into helping out with our stake’s presentation of mini-plays where members of each ward work together to write scripts and music, create choreography, build sets, design costumes and perform their masterpieces for each other!

Since I have some theater experience, I have been helping with the sound and lighting. Last weekend I got to attend all the dress rehearsals and saw each of the eight roadshows three times. During that rehearsal marathon, I had to smile at the off-key singing, cheesy lyrics, silly choreography, stiff acting — you know, the stuff that roadshows are made of! I recalled the old “Far Side” cartoon that shows a maestro’s version of hell as having to conduct a junior high school band for eternity. Perhaps endless roadshow rehearsals is how wicked actors / directors will be punished in the next life!

All joking aside, despite the shows’ flaws, they turned out to be a lot of fun. At the performances last night, the kids and adults in each cast really put their heart into it. Cast and audience members alike were having fun. I was impressed.

Our stake cultural arts director arranged for six experienced individuals who came from outside our city to provide impartial judging. The shows were judged on specific criteria and certificates were awarded to the top wards. I thought it was kind of silly to make it a competition, but the organizers insisted that the competition would help bring out the best in each ward. I suppose there may be some truth to that…

Our own roadshow turned out to be quite good.  We didn’t take home the top prizes as judges seem to favor wards who provide live music (not pre-recorded), as well as full production numbers with lots of singing and dancing. Our roadshow was more plot driven and had one main “production” number. We were thrilled, however, when our ward won the award for best script, especially since my wife Robin and I collaborated with individuals in our ward to write it. (If you’ve read Robin’s blog, you know she’s a talented writer.) We also won for best set design. And I was really excited when a member of my deacons quorum, who I had helped direct, won for best actor for the whole stake! Tyler is a naturally talented actor and he was awesome as our main character. The other kids were really good too.

The best part was watching these young people come together to accomplish something great as a team. I enjoyed watching many of them come out of their shells as most of them had never had an experience like it. The euphoria of giving a good performance in front of an enthusiastic crowd was evident on their faces. Their hard work over the past several weeks paid off. I think a few lifelong performers were born last night. And that’s pretty cool.

Baby James on the Swing

Here’s a cute video of baby James on the swing at East Canyon.

Here’s another video of my daughters Brianna and Lily, along with their cousin Mary, swinging on a tire swing.

East Canyon Fun

This past weekend, my brother Matt and I took our kids up to our parents’ timeshare condo in East Canyon. Robin and Elizabeth stayed at home to enjoy some rest and relaxation while Matt and each took four kids. Eight kids and two adults — we were outnumbered four to one. But we had a great time! We watched movies, played board games, went sledding, hiked, played on the playground, played video games and bought treats at the Country Store. We also took the kids down to reservoir and let them walk on the frozen lake (the ice was at least 12 inches thick, so it was safe.) I even got a chance to sneak away on Saturday afternoon to soak in the hot tub for half an hour. The kids enjoyed two nights of sleeping over with their cousins and Matt and I enjoyed some fun conversations and a couple of “guy movies” — Cloverfield and The Cave. No Jane Austen films for us! (The kids were in a separate part of the condo watching Spongebob Squarpants, Season One.)

Here are a few pictures for our time in East Canyon.

Grief Connects Us with Our Humanity

Four years ago today, we buried my father.

He died on February 12, 2005 of cancer at the relatively young age of 57. Earlier that week, I wrote his obituary, worked to organize the funeral program and helped my mom pick out a grave site, headstone and casket. The day of the viewing, we helped dress his lifeless body in his burial clothing. It was a season of intense emotions, tender feelings.

Two Sundays ago I visited his grave with my family and we took pictures, sang one of Dad’s favorite hymns and said a prayer. Then, on the actual anniversary of his death, February 12, I returned to the cemetery with my mom and brother Dan. This time was different. We stood quietly at the headstone under an umbrella to avoid the falling snow. We reminisced a bit about Kent’s life and its impact on our lives. My mom asked me to pray and I thanked God for my dad’s amazing life. I then said something that surprised me somewhat. I thanked Him for the grief that we were feeling at that moment. As I struggled to speak with tears streaking down my cheeks, I was thanking the Lord for the grief that I felt.

Ever since, I have been reflecting on these questions: Isn’t grief a negative emotion, something you try hard to get over? Aren’t we supposed to move on? Does grief equal despair? Does my grief somehow mean that my faith is not strong or that my hope in a glorious reunion on resurrection morning falters?

Truth be told, I grieve every day for the loss of my dad. That doesn’t mean I’m not a happy person or that I dwell on it constantly. It doesn’t mean I don’t live and love life to the fullest. But I do feel a sense of loss every day. My grief connects me to my dad; it helps me remember him. And while emotions aren’t nearly as raw as they were four years ago as we were preparing for his funeral, they surface often. And it hurts. It also feels good. That’s the paradox: the pain is welcome in some ways. It reminds me of the powerful feelings of love and loyalty I had / have for my father. It encourages me to think about his life and to remember his influence on me. The longing for an eventual reunion with him makes we want to live a better life, not only to honor my dad’s legacy, but to be worthy of a joyful reunion in the next life. So I embrace my grief because it is part of me now. I also embrace the wonderful memories that we shared. Finally, I embrace my faith in the power of Jesus Christ whose sacrifice overcame both sin and death. What are your thoughts on grief?

 Last year, I wrote the following on my blog near his death anniversary:

“Kent was a loving father and a good provider. He was also very much in love with my mother. He set a great example for all his children as a man who loved the Lord, who was totally committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I miss him dearly. I miss being able to call him on the phone and talk about the latest gadget (he would have loved the iPhone) or politics. Although I take great comfort in my firm belief that families are forever, I still wish every day that he were here with me. I wish he could be here to grow old alongside my sweet mother. But it was not to be…”

Here’s a little look back at his life through some video clips. He bears his witness of the gospel at the end of the video.

Miss you Dad!!